Work

The storm clouds that have been hovering since Tuesday opened up and poured this morning.

My new boss observed me for the second time.

See 'Save Me' in the October archive for more details but suffice it to say it was stressful.

The class he came to see has been working on projects for the past few days but I had an alternate reading lesson ready in my binder just in case my boss showed up. The lesson implemented all of the suggestions he made the last time he visited my class.

Still, after he left, I didn't feel good about it. I feared I'd rushed and made some errors in my Spanish. I didn't think I'd summarized the lesson as accurately as he wants us to.

I stewed in the office afterwards. The other teachers I work with were in an uproar over his coming to see me twice.

"But you're good! Does this mean we're all getting observed twice?"

One teacher told me she'd give me twenty bucks if I said, when I went in for my post-observation conference, "Get off my ass, will ya? Stop sweatin' me."

I was scared. Then I remembered something my brother told me last night.

My brother produced a TV show that aired last summer. It was a reality program about a workplace. In it there is a woman who comes across as one of the more competent and hard-working people on staff.

"She seemed like she was doing a good job," I said.

"She was," my brother responded, "They fired her after we wrapped."

Her sales numbers were down, my brother explained. But they were down because she had lost confidence in her employer. Ultimately her loyalty lay with her clients.

I thought about this as I sat in the office waiting to speak with my new boss. You see, I thought, even if you're good you're not always going to please everyone.

My boss, when I finally went in, had nice things to say about my lesson.

"Much better than last time," he said.

In fact I felt better about the last lesson he observed. I felt more 'on.' But this time I was implementing his suggestions.

Regardless I told him he was right and thanked him.

Sometimes that's really all you can do.